it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize