hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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