He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
