i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
