Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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