So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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