did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i came on her dog
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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