it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
