she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
