Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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