drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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