I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
