Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
