just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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