Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
