I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Randomize
