STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
