I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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