I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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