Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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