Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I bet he comes in French.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
