I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
