its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
