Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
