Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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