Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
