So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How does it feel to date your dad?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
