hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
