Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
