I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
