Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
