I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
