I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
