she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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