hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
