the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
