Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
