he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
