no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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