did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
