She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just found a bag of teeth...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
