my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
