May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I believe in your delicious
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