I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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