Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
