I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
