I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
