omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
