my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
