Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
