dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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