That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
