so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
