I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
