it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
