I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
