your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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