just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
