Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
