I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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