I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
