let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
