"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
North Korea, Best Korea!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
