I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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