just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
