The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
