I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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