yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
