i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
